From the people who brought you "Schadenfreude"...

Shouts of "we did it!" must be filling the streets of Hamburg and Frankfurt, because The International Association for the Study of Obesity came out with their much anticipated report for 2007:
Germany is the most Obese country in all of the Europes!

The report said 75 percent of German males and 59 percent of German females are overweight, the Suddeutsche Zeitung newspaper reported.




Way to go, Germany!

**The Heathenblog Mensa Challenge: Post an example of Schadenfreude in the comments section.
Try it! If you fail, others will be relieved...

I like things.

As a full-blooded male, I love several things. Fighting, scars on a villain's face, fishing, lasers. I also love gadgets and watches. Combine any of those two, and I am both pleased and covetous.
Here, then, is a super-cool set of Japanese watches.
My personal favorite is the Shinshoku , which is a cross between the thing Geordi LaForge wears on his face and the bomb that Predator uses. I stand firmly behind any product that blinks.

See the whole list here...

Blast from the Past: Scratch N' Sniff...

As a child, a good Scratch N' Sniff sticker collection was more valuable than money.
(*True story: The original script for "Scarface" read "In this country, you gotta get the stickers first. Then when you get the stickers, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the woman." This was later changed by Pacino, who loves to improvise.)

From howstuffworks.com:
Scratch and sniff is created through the process of micro-encapsulation. The desired aroma is surrounded by tiny micro-capsules that break easily upon scratching. Because of the micro-encapsulation, the aroma can be preserved for extremely long periods of time.

Below, magnified 1000 times, is Scratch N' Sniff Paper.

These tiny glass capsules contain a liquid scent and are glued onto paper. When the paper is scratched, some of the capsules are ruptured and the scent is released.
And now you know...

What was YOUR favorite scent?

Know your Daemon

I am a big fan of Phillip Pullman's "The Golden Compass" trilogy.
With the movies due out soon, the website has launched.

In the world of The Golden Compass, people wear their souls on the outside, in the form of animal familiars, called "Daemons".

You can see what your Daemon is by clicking on the picture of Iorek, the ice bear.


My Daemon, by the way, is named Artemis, and she is a tiger.

My favorite new phrase...

Want to sound brilliant and confusing?
Try this old Russian phrase while rolling your eyes:

Myne etoh nadoh kahk zoobee v zadnetze.

The way we say "I need that like I need a hole in my head",
Russian people say "I need that like I need teeth in my asshole."

Kurt Vonnegut has become unstuck in time. So it goes.

“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and
cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded.
At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here.
There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it,
you’ve got to be kind.’ ”
from “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater”, 1965

"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over.
Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center. "

-Kurt Vonnegut

Very good articles can be found here and here.

In Honor UFC Season...

I make no secret about my love of Mixed Martial Arts (MMA). It is my favorite sport, beating even baseball (of which I'm a encyclopedic Mets fan). Of course, I hate the packaging, the "attitude", the music, the commentators, and the demographic it chooses to target, but I truly believe there are no more intelligent and disciplined athletes in all of Sport.
So, in celebration of a new season of Ultimate Fighter (love/hate relationship) and Fight Night on Spike tonight, I present this...

A Wednesday Hexagram

I-Ching Hexagram #3

Before a great vision can become reality there may be
difficulty. Before a person begins a great endeavor, they
may encounter chaos. As a new plant breaks the ground
with great difficulty, foreshadowing the huge tree, so
must we sometimes push against difficulty in
bringing forth dreams.

"Out of Chaos, Brilliant Stars Are Born"

A moment for Frank Zappa...

"Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is THE BEST."

"Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring
production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid."

"There is no hell. There is only France."

"Without deviation from the norm, 'progress' is not possible."

and

"Why do you necessarily have to be wrong just because a
few million people think you are?"

Here is Frank on CNN's CROSSFIRE in 1986...

Apartment too small? Head to Austria and steal something!

Do you hate paying those NYC prices for your tiny apartment? Is your gym too expensive? Do you pine for floor-to-ceiling windows? Have you considered crime? Then Justice Center Leoben is the place for you!
Justice Center Leoben is a minimum security prison in Austria that includes sunny rooms, ping-pong, a truly wonderful state-of-the-art gym, conjugal visit rooms which look like this:


and places to reflect on your mild indiscretions like this:


Simply put, Justice Center Leoben has it all!
For more information, tread here.

To herald in Spring...

"It's spring fever... You don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so.”
--Mark Twain

...a look at the world's more interesting trees...




































Here is NEATORAMA'S look at the 10 most amazing trees in the world...
I think that I shall never see, a poem as lovely as a tree.

J'ai une ame solitaire.

"Mr. Brad Delp. J'ai une ame solitaire. I am a lonely soul."
These words were paper-clipped to the neck of Brad Delp's shirt. Brad was the lead singer of Boston -- police found his body on the bathroom floor, his head on a pillow. He had sealed himself inside with two charcoal grills.
Another note was found at the top of the stairs: "I take complete and sole responsibility for my present situation. I have lost my desire to live," he wrote.

Other famous suicide notes include:

"I must end it. There's no hope left. I'll be at peace. No one had anything to do with this. My decision totally."
~ Freddie Prinze, comedian, January 29, 1977

"All fled--all done, so lift me on the pyre;
The feast is over, and the lamps expire."
~ Robert E. Howard, writer, June 11, 1936

"I feel certain that I'm going mad again. I feel we can't go thru another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices."
~ Virginia Woolf, author, March 28, 1941

"To my friends: My work is done. Why wait?"
~ George Eastman, inventor, March 14, 1932

and

"Football Season Is Over. No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax This won't hurt."
~ Hunter S. Thompson, author, 20 February, 2005

I-Random (1st 10 random tracks)

These were the first 10 shuffle tracks on my Ipod this morning--
*(idea lovingly borrowed from The Sticking Point)

Godwhacker - Steely Dan, Everything Must Go
Love this song. Classic Donald Fagan lyrics about people you don't know but dearly want to...

The Thing That Should Not Be -- Metallica, Master of Puppets
Such angry focus. Super cool Lovecraftian horror-rock...

You Are What You Love -- Jenny Lewis, Rabbit Fur Coat
Love this woman, love her voice... Great Album

Sayin' it and Doin' It -- James Brown, Hell
The anthem of my life. "They're just as much different as night and day"...

Miss Darling -- Big Walter Horton, Mouth Harp Maestro
Legendary Harmonica player known for his huge hands and brutal alcoholism...

Double Clutching -- John Coltrane, Coltrane Time
Killer contrapuntal tune...

Sweet Little Girl -- Stevie Wonder, Music Of My Mind
So funky. My favorite Stevie album...

Stick It Out -- Frank Zappa, Joe's Garage
Great song; song by a robot, mostly, in German...

Speak -- Queensryche, Operation Mindcrime
My favorite concept album not called The Wall. Best track...

No Children -- The Mountain Goats, Tallahassee
So, so great. Chorus complete with "I hope you die. I hope we both die"...

Won't you post your Random 10 in the comments section? H

this week in... Product Placement!

This is the Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun. Seemingly, if you use the Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun correctly, your punches will send people flying across a room, over pool tables, down stairs, or into bushes. If someone were particularly imaginative he might have one on either hand, righting wrongs in a world gone mad.
Each Knuckle Blaster has a contour grip, and yields 950,000 volts.
Sold by Hollywood Gadgets, based in - obviously - Howell, NJ.

Special thanks to 8-Ball Willis! You have the Product Placement of the Week!

Oh, and...
Not sold in PA, CT, HI, MS, MI, NJ, NY, RI, WI, IL. Also not sold in the following cities: Annapolis MD, Baltimore MD, Baltimore County MD, Chicago IL, & Washington DC.

Give them nothing! But take from them... everything!
-- Spartan King Leonidas

Don’t tell the critics, but “300″ is a new kind of action movie, a clever synthesis of the stylized epic storytelling practiced by Peter Jackson in “Lord of the Rings” and the stop ‘n’ start fast-motion cutting of the Wachowski brothers’ “Matrix” series. It’s a gamer’s view of the world that film critics don’t relate to because they seem to have forgotten the kick they got from reading comics as kids.
-- Patrick Goldstein

These are the latest teaser posters for "The Tripper", written by my childhood friend and high school band-mate Joe Harris, and directed by David Arquette.
For more on Joe (he of X-Men, Spider-Man, and Darkness Falls fame), click HERE.

Pisces Birthday Horoscope
February 27th

The person born on this day is ruled by the planet Mars. This gives this person the gift of desire and drive. the other ruling planet for Pisces is Jupiter which adds wisdom and expansion to the mix. with this great vision of the real world around them, the February 27th person can accomplish almost any thing that is presented to them.

Don’t be surprised with what you think others are thinking. You may be right. Your telepathic and empathic abilities are in a heightened state. Use them wisely and don’t allow the paranoia to overtake you.






For more on Pisces, click here...







Fellow piscians include Nicolaus Copernicus, George Washington, Pierre Auguste Renoir, Edgar Cayce, John Steinbeck, Alexander Graham Bell, Nat King Cole, Johnny Cash, George Harrison, Roger Daltrey, and Rupert Murdoch.

Aren't worried? You may not be paying close enough attention...

Bees. We've all been stung by them. Myself, I was stung on the kneecap during recess at Miss Barbara's Nursery School in 1977. This bee news has me feeling the same I did that afternoon. Confused and frightened.

The Bees are leaving us.
Beekeepers in 22 states have reported bees dying in huge numbers.
Click on the pretty flower for a link to CBS' "The Case of the Vanishing Bees".

Finally!

Good news everyone! The Antichrist is here! But don't fret -- this ain't your momma's Antichrist, it's a new kind of Antichrist! A gentle, no-nonsense, lexus-drivin' Antichrist here to usher in a new age for us all!
He's Jose Luis de Jesus Miranda, and he swears he is God! And who are we to be skeptical?

• De Jesus’s followers believe they are God’s true chosen people and call their children the “super race.”
• He has a "666" tattoo on his arm, and encourages his followers to do the same.
  
• "The Antichrist is not the devil," de Jesus tells his congregation; "he's the being who replaces Jesus on Earth. Antichrist is the best person in the world," he says.
  
• The awesomest part? De Jesus teaches that the Devil has been destroyed, and that Hell does not exist. Hence, those who accept his word as true are allowed to indulge in sin.

Even Grandma loves it!

Want to know more on the fun-lovin'-est de Jesus since John Turturro in The Big Lebowski? Here's a cursory explanation -- CNN Article -- and here we go deeper down the rabbit hole -- "Creciendo en Gracia".

Guest Sonnet by Hamish MacAoidh

Truth #1

"Some things are just impossible -- most things,"
she said. The afternoon grew gray with fear
and dismal blew the wind; imaginings
of cruelly silent van-winged birds and leer-
ing taloned dwarfs swarmed spastic down my days;
dark dread fell dizzy from the fading stars,
fell sickly churning in primeval haze
before a dank abysmal cave of scars:

in rheumy gloom an antique hag spilled bones
of dice -- stark weird of dead men's dreaming springs;
dull sodden eyes scanned past of unborn moans;
blood screamed for light, but gealed by mucous wings
could hear in time's ice-womb, bone-reft of sight,
her howling laughter rape the shrieking night.

from Sonnets From The Surd

Hamish MacAoidh was (and is) a professor of mine, whom I studied under in college, and now again in the hard glare of the everyday.

Apparently, the Year of the Pig won't save us...

This year ushers in The Year of the Pig! For all of us who were thinking "Man, I can't wait for the Year of the Pig to begin. Then we'll have us some peace!", get ready for some disappointment.

Chinese soothsayers (who I've never known to be wrong) are predicting a year filled with strife and gun battles.

It's not all bad, though. Click on the pig to read on.

I personally am counting the days until The Year of the Rat, often characterized by wildly erratic bursts of joy and high-pitched singing with angular banjos.

... learn to hide your intentions...

The brain scan that can read people's intentions...


Call for ethical debate over possible use of new technology.
A team of world-leading neuroscientists has developed a powerful technique that allows them to look deep inside a person's brain and read their intentions before they act.

Great news, huh?

Click on the poster of the great David Cronenberg film above for more about how technology will solve all our problems!

... attacks on Jews hits record high...

Image from The Nuremberg Chronicle called "The Burning of the Jews", dated CCCXXv.

The Chronicle is probably the most sophisticated printed book published before the year 1500 because of its use of different graphic layouts that integrate text and image in more varied ways than anything that had previously been attempted.

Attacks on Britain's Jews have risen to the highest level since records began.
-- The Anti-Semitic Incidents Report 2006, compiled by the Community Security Trust (CST).

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, design a building, conn a ship, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve an equation, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.

Specialization is for insects.

I have been on quite a David Lynch kick as of late. From the terrible beauty of "The Elephant Man" to the enigma wrapped in a paradox "Mulholland Drive" to the sweetness of "The Straight Story", I so admire this Artist. Also, I'm very excited to try his new line of coffee. Yes, coffee.

Above, his sculpture "Eat My Fear", which was his contribution to the NYC CowParade 2000. It was rejected by the commission.