Some Handy Tips for a Successful New Year...

...from Thelonious Sphere Monk.
He considered these things.
Perhaps we would all do well to do the same.


So for NYE, here's Monk doing Round 'Bout Midnight.



And my thoughts on the year? Best summed up by Love and Death:

Priest: "Mercifully, God was on our side."
Boris: "Yeah. I'm sure things could have gone a lot worse if He wasn't. It might have rained."

Finally.

The Heathen-Blog has so much to be thankful for this season.

Like this.

And this.

Also, this and this. And most certainly this.
Did I mention this? I bet I didn't.

Of course, it wasn't all fun and games... but here we stand, still.
Ready for a new year, full of vim and vigor.
And the future looks very promising.

Have a aggressively wonderful holiday, my cyber-friends...

hb

Heathen-Blog's Top Christmas CD

As someone who came rather late to the Christmas Party, I feel I am uniquely positioned to provide unbiased conjecture regarding Holiday Music.

Growing up a little Jewish boy, my only thoughts about the music from that other side of the aisle was that it was everywhere. And why did everyone look so happy? Thirteen years ago I found out.
Christmas can be pretty great.

So, here is my pick for Best Christmas CD:



Seriously. It's outstanding.

17 songs, each more happy and soulful than the last.

If you don't have this, and you need the spirit, get it.
If you're too strapped this season, write me. I'll get it for you.
James will shriek and implore you until the the spirit burrows into you.


A little taste is HERE.


And for my Jewish friends, perhaps this.

'Tis Coveting Season

Drunk -- "A toast!"
Leo Bloom -- (agreeing) "A toast... to what?"
Drunk -- "To... to toast, I love toast."


I am one of those rare individuals who cannot differentiate between "wants" and "needs".
And so, I really, really need this. More than anything.

The Darth Vader Toaster

I will be completely inconsolable this Holiday Season if I am made to eat toast without Darth Vader's image burned into each delectable slice.

A close second is THIS.

"The Shield" ends. A Haiku.

brutally novel
the addictive thriller's close
leaves me less complete

"Forcible-Culture Fridays"

OZYMANDIAS

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Percy Bysshe Shelley, 1818

The Big Apple Film Festival

Click HERE for tickets to our showing at The Big Apple Film Festival...

Congregants across the Holy Land can't stop talking about our film, "He's My Dad".

If you love movies, and have never been to a Film Festival before, here's a great one to attend --
along with outstanding movies -- which because of the Studio System you may never have the chance to see again -- Film Festivals are programmed with Seminars, Panel Discussions, Q & A Sessions, and Parties.
Lots. Of. Parties.

So,
jump HERE for tickets to my film (shown with 5 other great films!).
jump HERE for the whole lineup of The Big Apple Film Festival.
jump HERE for my film's website, oobermensh.com.
jump HERE for a look at the new frame-by-frame Digital Restoration of "The Godfather".
jump HERE for a photo of a tarsir, nature's wisest animal.

All Hallow's Eve

You are never too young (or too old) to enjoy Halloween.

My Favorite Halloween Movies:

The Exorcist III
A Nightmare on Elm Street
An American Werewolf in London



My Least Favorite Halloween Movies:

Beaches
Terms of Endearment
Schindler's List

Zap! Bam! Zing! Wap!

"To name my greatest strength? I guess it would be my humility. My greatest weakness? It's possible that I'm a little too awesome... "

CLICK to see Presidential Candidate Barack Obama's Roast & Comedy Routine at the Al Smith Dinner last night, 10/16/08.

This is worth your time.

Unless, of course, you hate our troops.
Why do you hate our troops?

If you didn't like him before this, you're really not gonna like him now...

"Sweet Victory can be distracting"

And so, I return home from Springfield, Illinois. Home of The Abraham Lincoln Museum, a Pub Food called "a horseshoe", and the heralded Route 66 Film Festival.

Firstly, the most important piece of news:

Horseshoe
(From Wikipedia)
This open-faced sandwich begins with thick-sliced toasted sourdough bread, and a couple of hamburger patties or ham. The meat is topped with french fries and smothered with a "secret" cheese sauce. With its many variations, it is a local favorite not often found outside Central Illinois. It also sometimes known as the freedom sandwich.

I chose beef. I chose... poorly.

I did, however, accomplish this:



Well, would you look at that...
The Mid-Western folks liked "He's My Dad".
Perhaps one day our films CAN be shown in Texas!

Long live The Hoogland Center, and the pageantry of its Award Ceremonies.

Frivolous photos and fun facts to follow, highlights including:

• Late Night at Bennigans

I see two very nice looking women across the Bar at the Bennigan's where my brother and I are drinking. I decide to go over and give them a couple of postcards of the film, try to impress, get them to the screening. I hit them with the Pitch: "It's about a former Serial Murderer and his relationship with his sassy, 11 year-old daughter..." The sweet looking one says "Ohh! My boyfriend LOVES serial killers! He has a tattoo with 6 of their actual signatures on his leg!".
The other girl says "Does he have Gacy?"
The cute one says "Hell YEAH he has Gacy!"
I slink away, suddenly wondering if the deadbolt on our door is thick enough.

• Pleasant facts about Springfield:

And much more!

Political Mondays

A few facts from wikipedia:

Abraham "Abe" "Grampa" J. Simpson

Almost all of Abe Simpson's biographical information is supplied by himself. Many of his stories seem to be wildly inaccurate, often physically or historically impossible, and occasionally inconsistent even with each other, suggesting that Abe is quite senile. Not many people know that Abe is a decorated war veteran.

Maude Flanders

Maude Flanders was the happily married wife of Ned Flanders. With Ned, she had two children, Rod and Todd Flanders, in whom she instilled her unwavering piety. Maude was a woman with many qualities: faith, chastity, charity. Maude Flanders was a devout Christian who once attended a Bible camp to learn how to be more judgmental.

For more facts - which really don't seem terribly important - leap HERE.

Kubrickian Friday

Stanley Kubrick's widow, Christiane, has made available 900 boxes of material belonging to her late husband -- scripts, letters, designs, props, and photographs.

And so, some Letters...

SPARTACUS, 1960

June 5, 1959
To Laurence Olivier

Dear Larry, I am sorry the rushes were late yesterday and I was unable to come by for that drink. I hope that when you see the finished film you will be less disturbed about certain things than are now. In any case, I should like to thank you for the decent way you have behaved about the things with which you were in such disagreement. Good luck and Best Regards, Stanley.

June 26, 1964
Notes on a proposed deal with Columbia Pictures

I cannot accept this under any circumstance. I do not agree under any circumstances to be required to make any changes or revisions of the script, the picture or my style of combing my hair when ordered by Columbia. I do not wish to consult with Columbia on songs or instrumental numbers. It is utterly impractical and inconsistent with the artistic control I should have over the picture... I must have complete, total and final annihilating control over the picture.

Columbia should only be allowed to attend rushes at my invitation.

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, 1968

March 31, 1964
Dear Mr Clarke,

It’s a very interesting coincidence that our mutual friend Caras mentioned you in a conversation we were having about a Questar telescope. I had been a great admirer of your books for quite a time and had always wanted to discuss with you the possibility of doing the proverbial really good science-fiction movie. My main interest lies along these broad areas naturally assuming great plot and character.

1. The reasons for believing in the existence of intelligent extra-terrestrial life.

2. The impact (and perhaps even lack on impact in some quarters) such discovery would have on earth in the near future.

3. A space probe with a landing and exploration of the Moon and Mars.

Would you consider coming sooner with a view to a meeting, the purpose of which would be to determine whether an idea might exist or arise which could sufficiently interest both of

us enough to want to collaborate on a screenplay?

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, 1971

Kubrick does not cede control easily, as seen by the involvement he ensures he has when the film head for the 1972 Venice Film Festival. He asks nine questions of its organisers.

July 26, 1972
To Umberto Orlandifont

What is the make and type of the projectors which will show the film? Will the film be shown on 2,000ft reels. Is there control of the sound inside the auditorium during the screening? If so, where, approximately is it located? Is there a sound system or telephone which is connected with the projection booth? Please describe this. If someone wanted to leave the auditorium during the screening and go into the projection booth, how long would it take to get to the projection booth and would it create a disturbance? Where is the film actually to be screened at Venice? What is the name of the place and its address? Are all the films at the festival being screened in the same room?

BARRY LYNDON, 1975

August 3, 1973
To the make-up team

I saw Ryan’s make-up tests and basically I think you are on the right track. I would criticise, however, that the ageing make-up on Ryan in close-up looks exactly like make-up but I think with a little less on the day it will be all right. The make-up for his young Irish look doesn’t work. In my opinion it looks like make-up and doesn’t contribute anything towards making him look any younger. I think we should just drop this. The bows in his hair in Germany and Dublin are too large and in many angles look unattractive. They should be smaller and I would like to see them redone and rephotographed next week when you have him again. best S K

EYES WIDE SHUT, 1999

June 27, 1995
From Frederic Raphael (Screenwriter) to Kubrick

Dear Stanley, Do you know the joke about the Jewish tailor, to whom his customer said, "The good Lord made the world in six days and you've taken six months to make one bloody pair of trousers? To which the tailor answered, 'Ah, but look at the world and then look at the trousers.' Why did this story occur to me? As ever Freddie.

And, since you made it this far, here are two treats:

HAL9000 Desktop Wallpaper

A TV Promo, filmed as a one-take tracking shot from the point of view of Stanley Kubrick as he walks through the "Shining" set, ending up in his director's chair as the crew prepare to shoot the famous scene of Danny Torrance, the son of Duvall and Jack Nicholson's characters, riding round and round the deserted corridors of the Overlook Hotel.

Movie Review Haiku

Rosemary's Baby

A thinking man's scare
Falling in love with Mia
Makes the spiral ache

**** Stars (out of 5)

Heath on CBS 2, "The Desert's News Station"

click

Into the desert...

A bunch of days back I got the news that my new film He's My Dad would be showing at the Palm Springs Shortfest and Film Market. I found myself faced with a wonderful calamity, and a decision about how to achieve the improbable.

A gut check, if you will, on my commitment to Sparkle Motion.

Elvis partied there, I knew. So did Kirk Douglas and Bob Hope.

And so, I found six Angels, and I helped them to help me.

Now I go to hustle film in the desert, a barren land of cocaine and desperation, of parasites with bruised egos overcompensated for.
A place where it's shady everywhere but where you need it to be.

I am very pleased, and in life-debt to the six.

Here's this week's Weather Forecast.

Wish me godspeed...

Tuesdays with Gollum

I live above a star that does not burn.
I have eleven neighbors that do not turn.
I have four initials.

Do you know the answer?

(with a nod to Johnny Cam)

Fool me once...

Um, no. He won't.

When we cannot even trust the words of a man who favors wearing a feather boa, who can we trust?
This world must be dying.

To cheer yourself up with direction from the Vatican, go HERE.

A Predator/Senate Update!

Yes. It's come to this. A Predator/Senate update.
Sigh. I really had to force myself to write this, but --

Jessie Ventura, "Blain" in 1984's "Predator", is following the lead of Sonny Landham, "Billy" in 1984's "Predator", into the "leader of men" foray. Again.


"The Body" will be challenging incumbent Norm Coleman and tenderfoot Al Franken for the Minnesota Senate seat.

Why Jessie?

"All you Minnesotans take a good hard look at all three of us. And you decide: if you were in a dark alley which one of the three of us would you want with you?"

Hard to argue with the man, as Al Franken would probably belittle your attacker in aforementioned Dark Alley, making the situation much more dangerous for you.
And Norm Coleman would side with the attacker as a matter of Political Principle, offering up all your fears and secrets for a piece of your pie.

Who will be next?

Man, I like where we are heading!

It's a question I'd long been asking myself: who else from the movie Predator can we get to legislate in Washington? I've simply never been satisfied with only two cast mates.

Now, finally, an answer.

Sonny Landham joins Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jessie Ventura in the very difficult transition from feared killer without feelings to Washington Politician. Landham is looking to be the Libertarian challenger to Republican Senate Minority Leader and lothario Mitch McConnell in Kentucky's 2008 Senate Race.

Sonny has been an iconic tough-guy, carving out a niche as the much feared "mysterious and dangerous Indian Guy" in classic 80's blockbusters Predator (as "Billy") and 48 Hours (as "Billy Bear").
He also starred in 1996's Billy Lone Bear, as Billy.
And played Sheriff Billy in an episode of Hardcastle and McCormick.

But sensing a dearth in Washington of former porn-stars who have served time in a federal prison, Landham feels that now is his time to shine brightly again. Sonny is looking to drive (now Pilot) his own Straight Talk Express, saying "PC is BS. Say what you mean, mean what you say."

Sonny needs just 5000 signatures to get his name on the ballot. You can find the petition here.
Of course, please be sure to fill out the petition in strict accordance with Kentucky Law.

Good luck, Sonny!

trivium -

Landham's character was not named Billy in 1975's The Passions of Carol, a hard-core pornography re-telling of Charles Dickens's classic "A Christmas Carol", staring Mary Stewart as "Carol Scrooge" and Arturo Millhouse as "The Ghost of Christmas Past".

Will New Wonder Drug destroy Hollywood?

This week, news broke that scientists at Zurich University in Switzerland found that a hormone that occurs naturally in a woman's body during pregnancy and sex - if marketed correctly -- could solve a myriad of our problems, including shyness.

"Oxytocin" is the key birthing hormone that enables the cervix to open and contractions to work, is released when mothers bond with their newborns, and is released during orgasm.

How would this effect Hollywood? Perhaps shockingly.

It can be argued that what makes one Actor succeed where another fails is exactly that: shyness, or lack there of.

When this "lack of shyness", or "ballsy-ness", occurs naturally - say in the person of a Vince Vaughn, a Sacha Cohen, or a Kristen Wiig - it can bring forth wonderful moments of creative expression in the visual arts. If we were to put that power in the hands of lab-coat wearing, oily-haired men, would that not affect the entire theatrical landscape in a very "left brain" way?

An "oxytocin spray" has also been successfully trialed at the University of New South Wales.

As I think about the future of Entertainment, this is the kind of thing that worries me.

(it's also being developed as a benign form of tear gas, quelling uneasy feelings among people, groups of demonstrators, etc... - I found that to be less important, so I saved it for the end)

Anyone who knows me well -- and there are now over four of you out there! -- know I love a good T-Shirt. If it were up to me -- and Lord knows I'm working on it -- T-Shirts would be de rigueur for every occasion, funeral to bris.

Here's a set I heartily recommend for your next bris...

The "Teach the Controversy" set

link

Very Old Seed

A 2,000 year old seed -- found in Masada -- has grown...

The Date Palm seed, recovered from the famous site of the First Jewish-Roman War, has been radiocarbon dated to somewhere around 205 AD. That's kind of a big deal...

More on the oldest seed ever grown HERE.

More on MASADA, starring Peter O'Toole as "General Cornelius Flavius Silva", HERE.

Monastic Retreat

Things I will be visiting on my 10 day monastic retreat to Seattle, Washington:





Seattle Museum of Mysteries


Archie McPhee's Market


Olympic National Park


Science Fiction Museum


I'll bring you back a magnet...

Movie Review Haiku

The Assassination of Jessie James by the Coward Robert Ford

Glacial Art-Western
Fame, jealousy and tension
Lavish visuals

**** Stars (out of 5)

Movie Review Haiku

Lars and the Real Girl

Unexpectedly
moving tale of connections
or the lack thereof.

**** Stars (out of 5)

What if...

Hellboy was drawn by Matt Groening...




Watchmen was drawn by Charles Schulz...

Why not follow this all up with a poem...

Yikes!!

I love horror. Truly, I do. As someone who experiences very graphic nightmares, I appreciate the visceral quality of Joshua Hoffine's work:



Click on the above for some of his work -- I really like "Basement".

The Art of the Title Sequence

Few things make me happier than those first moments sitting in a darkening theater, willing the world to melt away...

HERE is a fantastic place that shares that love, bringing back watchable memories for you and I:

click

It's nice to see the Deadwood opening again, if only for a moment...